After a slow month of February I received a call from my manager. She went straight to the punch. She dropped me as a client. A couple months ago she had me invest in new pictures, because the feedback from the original set was that I was too young looking for the parts I was going out for. I went and got the pictures. $250 for the session, $175 for makeup, $298 for headshot reproductions and $195 for adding pictures to Actors Access and La Casting. It took the management company about 3 weeks to get my proofs back. I’ve had the new pictures up a month or two, and yesterday I get dropped. Reason being or rather reasons given that I am not auditioning as much as I should and my agent hasn’t replied to her e-mails, and also that now I’m too old when the reason for getting new pictures was that I was too young. She knew I started looking for a new agent about a month ago, and said she would submit to some of the agents she knew. How many she knew I suspect was a very low number. As she was dumping me, I asked “what was the general feedback from the agent submissions you did for me?” “Uhhh… yeah… they were generally good but people are looking for actors who are about 18-22.” Wow. Last time I watched TV and went to the movies I saw actors of every age. I have booked 3 projects in the 9 months she had me as a client, 1 paying, 2 non paying. That wasn’t enough, if it isn’t as easy as submitting on breakdowns and having cash land on her lap you are not good enough. There was no real managing, just a hope that things would pop for me really quick and she could ride the train. If it only were so easy.
I posted this status on Facebook yesterday evening.
“Lidia was dropped like a sack of shit by her manager.”
then I get a voice mail from her sayiing “You suck, for saying that on Facebook, you are not a sack of shit” she also replied on Facbook:
“come on!! You are not a sack of shit! What the fuck?!! Now you make me feel like shit! I’m sorry I made you feel bad.”
and I replied
It’s my gut reaction and need to vent. I am only human and I know that you are too. I don’t want to make it seem like I am some kind of victim. I’m a willing participant in a ruthless and fickle yet highly rewarding business. The news today came suddenly after I invested in new photos recently, which I honestly think weren’t given long enough to work. I’m also stuck in contradictions right now. The general feedback from my original set of head shots was that I was too young, and now I’m too old. What a quandry! I also know from experience that there are certain months of the year (seasons) that I seem to have the most auditions and bookings and other parts of the year where it seems dead. All of that is talk and meaningless now. Sometimes there seems to be some rhyme and reason to this business, but for the most part the final outcomes really have no rhyme or reason. I have seen enough tv and movies to know that there are parts for me and even parts I could do better. I’ve seen plenty of crappy and well as great actors working who don’t have anything on me except timing and opportunity. I have a lot of people who believe in me and I refuse to let them down or myself. I think it’s ok for me to feel like a sack of shit if It’s a bridge to something constructive, like re-evaluating my business approach, and dealing with feelings of self doubt that are coming from the outside as well as from my own doing. I need and deserve the mourning process so I can move on and do something to move in the right direction. Perhaps I need to go back to doing CD workshops and build a resume that attracts more opportunities, I have done little to market myself in the past year. I know I’ve chosen a profession that may be the most emotionally painful. Actors are emotional creatures that constantly grow the more they experience life, which is ironic that so many good parts go to really young actors. Growth through pain and joy is the case with any kind of real artist. They have more to draw from as time goes by. I think this will make me a better actor because I’m finding that I want to be more expressed. I will become nothing but better and better. I am committed to that.
I don’t want to burn any bridges, but I insist on being fully self expressed from now on.
Regarding the pics, I would like a refund from Gary because I have to reformat my resume and I can print them for free at work. Thank you for handling this.
Sincerely,
Lidia