I had an interesting audition last week for a short film. The audition was held at a pool hall/bar in Hermosa Beach. I’m assuming this is where the actual scene is going to be shot. It went well, so we’ll see. The last three weeks have been extremely slow for me. I start to worry when that happens but it doesn’t really mean anything. Not making it mean anything is the hard part. I know of a couple actresses who are going out for really great commercial roles right now. I’m starting to wonder if my new headshots are duds once again. Perhaps it’s impossible for me to take a marketable headshot. There I go again, with that sh*t. After each accomplishment there is always some kind of lull like this, which makes me feel really uncomfortable. All the self doubts creep in. I ask mysel, if I never give up does that gaurantee the success I am looking for (solely supporting myself through acting work)? Will I be 95 years old and still believing in my big break? It can be maddening being an actor. So few have those steady and long careers. One part of me refuses to believe I don’t have what they have to offer, and the other part believes there’s some kind of invisibile barriers I’m not seeing, or maybe I’m cursed, or I’m not doing something that I could be doing that would make a difference of getting to the next level. I want to make my agent and manager money, and I feel bad I haven’t done so for a while. Fear is setting in.