I received a phone call on Saturday, October 4th that my grandfather was hit by a truck as he was crossing the street. He was coming back home from buying himself some beer. He was in great health, 84 years old. The guy who hit him was a fault and may face jail time. Losing loved ones suddenly like this really fucking sucks. He would have been around at least another 10 years, definately would have known his great grand kids. Woulda shoulda coulda, this is how life deals the hand sometimes. It’s always surreal and more gut wrenching than when you know someone is sick or they will pass in the near future. It’s happened to too many people I know. I will really miss him. He was truly a good person, loved his grandchildren very much. He lost his wife my grandmother a few years back to suicide. My mother’s parents had both tragically passed. I wish I could give her a hug right now and tell her I love her, but she’s 2,000 miles away. Grandpa was also buried in Serbia, and I don’t have the money to get on a flight right away to be with my family. I spent most of Saturday on the phone and crying and postponing everything I had planned so I could mourn and get my head back together.
I had to suck it up, as fucked up as that is and go to a short film shoot on Sunday morning at Griffith Park. It was written and directed by Lynn Kuemmel, and the whole team was great. It’s a story about a couple visiting Los Angeles and making the decision to move out here and also move in together. I played the lead woman, Soraya, and Ethan Kogan was Zac, the lead guy. I’m looking forward to seeing the finished film. Sunday’s shoot turned out to be a bit of an escape from dealing with Grandpa’s death for a few hours as well as cathartic. Of course whenever I mention or talk about it the tears come again. I also had a pilot audition yesterday at Keri Peyton Casting for a show called ShopNation. Pilot auditions come few and far between for me and so each one is so important. I have no choice other than take it seriously and put as much effort as I can into the audition. I struggled very hard to prepare for it. It was very tempting to say fuck it and go in there and wing it. I had to be funny, so I decided to be funny for my grandpa and I think it went really well and he was laughing wherever he is right now 
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Still sad.
